If there’s one thing I wish more people understood about horses, it’s this: They’re not being difficult. Most of what they’re doing is reflective of YOU.

They are giving you a RESPONSE. Not out of defiance. Not out of malice. But because they are wired – biologically, psychologically, instinctively – to respond to the world around them for survival.

So when you step into their space frustrated, disconnected, anxious, or unclear – they feel that. And they respond accordingly.

I see two things all the time…

• A spooky horse is blamed for being naughty, but the rider is nervous, stiff, and barely breathing.

• A horse is labeled stubborn because he doesn’t respond to a cue – but the cue was unclear, poorly communicated – and then the horse is punished for being lazy and unresponsive.

In both cases, the horse isn’t the problem. The human involved, however, is.

There’s a lot of incompetence in the horse world – but instead of accountability, we blame the horse.

We slap on harsher bits, louder aids, more aggressive corrections.We label them bad, lazy, rude, or stubborn… when really, they’re just confused, frightened, or overwhelmed.

Horses cannot be ‘bad’, they are just horses. People are either bad handlers, riders, or trainers. This seems to be a truth rarely spoken or acknowledged.

Horses literally can’t manipulate. They, very simply, reflect what we bring to the conversation.

And that’s the truth people don’t like to talk about:

If your horse isn’t responding well, it might not be about them – it’s actually in most cases about you.

So when something feels off in a session, pause and ask yourself:

Am I breathing deeply and feeling compassionate and optimistic?

Am I calm and grounded in my body?

Am I present – or is my mind somewhere else?

Am I feeling scared, under pressure, or frustrated?

Self-awareness is the MOST underrated skill in horsemanship. The more honest we become about what we bring into the space, the more compassionate and connected we become as partners.

Because it’s never about control. It’s about connection.

And that connection? It always starts with you.